I will live vicariously through my words and become a shell of a girl dreaming about the simple pleasures one might think were simple and easy. A girl who doesn't ask for much but works hard does well tries to be kind. Who reads and writes poetry and enjoys looking for beauty all around? Who only wants to live and break like a "normal" girl would.
But she isn't "normal" (or so they said) but normality was the very thing she desired more than anything.Finally finding a place to fit in then being torn from it, yet still there watching what might have been.And think about how fulfilled my life may have been if i'd have adventured when i was young. If only id seen more of the world. Breathed fresher air. Seen bluer seas. The world outside is grey and drab and soon i will blend into it. Like i never existed at all.
I mean do we exist? We are here for such a short time and then were gone and it doesnt mean much. I suppose you've just got to make yourself happy. I dont know what it is that makes me happy exactly. The feeling when your in a group and you all laugh at the same time, untill your eyes water and your stomach hurts. Or the feeling of utter freedom. The instant when you jump off a cliff and you are suspended for a moment. Yes you plummet down but for that short time you are free. And you can bathe in the shallow waters or jump into the waves. I am watching the beach from a diatance. Running a hand under the tap but it just doesn't feel the same.
Wish i'd feel something.
Anything.
I am trapped and I can't breathe so i may as well just not breathe at all.
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