I don't quite know how to describe my maths exam today.
The clatter of Calculator cases cast to the floor, the safety blanket gone; along with their hope
Most of the questions were surprisingly fine, apart from an absolute killer 2 or 3, to which there is honestly no hope. The kind of questions where you can re-arrange those logs to your hearts content but nothing is coming out of it. I felt quite calm on the plus side! Gone is the Beth who would sit in the corner of a classroom under a shelf frantically going through revision cards like a daemon. Proves that you do grow up!
Sadly I rather liked Core 2, but on Friday I have Stats 1 which is well...awful. And I have no motivation at the minute what so ever. I got up to Q4 of my first attempted past paper then gave up, out of sheer boredom. I really should start revising. Oh well. Tomorrow is another day.
After the dreaded aforementioned statistics paper, I then only have English Language on the 24th and Physics on the 5th of June. I go I study leave at the end of this week, so hopefully should have lots of time for these exams.
The 5th of June I.e. freedom is 23 days away (and counting). I honestly don't know how much longer I can take it. The exams I can deal with, the stress/depression/lack of social activitys/absense of laughter/hours upon hours spent in one position however, I cannot deal with. No. I miss my friends. I miss my boyfriend. So much. Even spending limited time with them seems strained, as I feel guilty I'm not revising/for distracting others, plus everyone's so stressed that we're all snapping at each other.
The summer cannot come soon enough.
However I did go outside, and bounce on the trampoline. I remember what it was like for the sun to be out and to feel young again, removed from the harsh reality of college life. I just bounced for a bit, and felt that tiniest bit happier because of it.
I am aware that's not the most flattering of angles, but it accurately conveys how I feel. Slightly scared, hysterical, falling...but bouncing back up.
My new blogger app lets me type in italics which is BRILLIANT as I enjoy little post-script messages akin to a certain blogger and good friend of mine, found at https://wallawoo.wordpress.com/ who you should take a look at if you have time and especially if you like poetry - which I really do but if you don't maybe go take a look anyway? Muchas Gracias 😊
I'm glad I'm not the only one prone to the occasional bout of stress-fueled trampolining.
ReplyDeleteBut you'll be absolutely fine m' dear, don't worry.