What is cool? I know what I believe is the definition of a cool girl: a tea drinker with a unique music taste of old classic and modern day indie, who buys all her expensive clothes from urban outfitters and Topshop. Who can do perfect winged eyeliner, and has a zooey deschanel/ audrey hepburn fringe (obviously) and who loves any films that her fringe idols are in. Who gets good grades and likes on Instagram and doesn't stress out about tweeting. Who has some artsy goal in life to be a journalist or something, and can bake and reads intelligent books and never has bad outfit/hair days at college.
In short all I feel I want to be and maybe in some respects could be if I had the confidence/money/hair without a stupid kink that prevents fringes/appreciation of tea/steady hand it sadly I just don't.
And I feel so inadequate all the time. Which is bad because I'm generally quite a positive person about myself, because not seeing yourself for who you are is one of the worst things. Ad I always think- what if someone looks up to me as somebody with a perfect everything and wishes she was me, just as I look at other people and wish the same.
But when your breaking out and have rubbish clothes on and have eaten your entire weight in curly aniseed rock and feel tired and rubbish, sometimes it's hard to love yourself.
Is it just me that feels this way constantly? Maybe somebody is reading this who understands this insecurity. Who feels painfully normal and hates it. (If so a comment telling me you're here would be nice. Maybe we can start a "lets accept ourselves because we're awesome" club.)
I just wish that I didn't care about what other people think, and I could just be happy being little old me. But I can't.
I just don't feel cool at all.
I am of the opinion that 'cool' is so constantly being redefined that one has to be very committed to keep up.
ReplyDeleteI say we embrace kinky fringes and wonky eyeliner in the hope that one day, they too will be worthy of being cool.
Count me in ;)