Yes i'm still at the same place

Is it sunny? I hope its sunny

Lourdes Smourdes

Meh. Hope we've had our day off soon. I feel tired just writing this.

S[ecial day in lourdes

MY BIRTHDAY TODAY OH YES 17

Still here

I don't even know by this point

Lourdes fun

Pilgrimmy timez oh ye

Lourdes

Chillin

Lourdes

On the journey travelling at the moment. Jeez. 27 hours is rough believe me.

Arriving in Lourdes

We've hopefully arrived safe! Unpacked, had musicans meeting, then a mass, then danced away. cool

Lourdes

Tomorrow I am embarking on a pilgrimage to Lourdes! Its a holy place, where I will be serving the sick and the elderly as a volunteer.

Thus I will not be able to post this week! I've queued posts, but they will have no content really sadly (i apologise)



See you when i get back!

Re-Ombred

I've got my hair re-ombred and i'm in love. It was starting to go abit brassy, but now its a much lighter blonde! Perfect for summer aswell!

I will post a nice picture when I have one (which may not be for a while yet....see next post for reasons)

It's a boy!

That is the headline in many a newspaper tomorrow! Kate Middleton has given birth to a son!

I do like the Royals, and feel proud to have a monarchy. The thing that annoyed me was the whole day there was news coverage. News coverage of what though? Just standing outside places not really owing anything it seemed!

Also today the blog for my coach who go on pilgrimage to Lourdes went live!

So far it has well over a hundred views....pretty good for a blog with only one post. I suppose it helps to be tweeted by our twitter account. I've put a lot of time into the posts, whereas this one is more just free flowing. Mainly because on the other blog I know others will see it, but mostly because I am representing the Liverpool Archdiocese and Coach 4 and so want to do my best!

This blogs still my favourite though...

Camping out

Sleeping on the trampoline tonight! Must be mad...

Had a lovely day at a golf course having a meal with my family to celebrate my Mum's 50th Birthday. It was lovely, though I could have done without my grandparents commenting on my appearance.

I went inside to talk to them (everyone was on the balcony admiring the view) and my Nana said "we don't like it. Next time wear some trousers with that dres...that TOP" - the cheek!

I personally think I looked quite hot.

Oh well. 

The ceiling can't hold usss

So I'm in y best mates bed whilst Shea and m other mate up are I th loft in two beds sleeping and yay this is good I'm in a very comfy bed. Too many big and little b,yes though!

I be had alice night out, but ye. Home now. Eaten some pizza OMG soooooo goooooood. Love it. 

I know I'm gonna need liquids tomorrow morning but there is none waaaaaah liquids are so good AHAHAHAHAH

Dwah.p

Gonna sleep. Byyyeeeeeeeee

Shopping today. Exited for Croatia times.

Adultery

I have to admit that I have cheated....on my blog.

It's not that I don't love you, I do honestly I do. It's not you it's me. It meant nothing to me I swear.

I kid of course.

I have designed a blog for my Coach of young people who are going to Lourdes next week for a lovely little pilgrimage. I suggested we should have a daily blog to show everyone back home what we're doing. 

I will of course link the site when it goes "live" or whatever on Monday. It's al set up, just need to start posting now!

Feeling faint

Today I learned the importance of hydration in warm weather.

Let me set the scene...a hot summers day. A cramped, sweaty church with a service for my old Primary Headteacher retiring this year. I ended up standing at the side as there was no seats, leaning against a wall trying to keep cool.

I remember thinking "how funny would it be if I keeled over. I wonder what would happen". Oh how I temped fate. Fate listened.

I remember putting my satchel on the floor because it suddenly felt very heavy, even though it was empty. I was leaning against the wall, and feeling a little too hot. It just got worse and worse. The church was so stuffy and I couldn't move about or sit down.

I thought to myself, "as soon as the congregation stands up or sings a hymn ill go get a drink of water." Sadly I didn't make it that far.

The edges of my eyes clouded black. I couldn't focus on anything in front of me, just the black spots dancing across my vision. That was when I fell sideways onto some woman stood next to me. Her and another woman grabbed me, and took me outside (I don't really remember. Apparently i was falling over my own feet, walking as if still in a dream.

As soon as I broke free into outside, into the wind and fresh air I felt better instantly. I sipped water and had my had between my knees and regained vision. And then another boy gasped out of the doors looking green. Told you it was hot! At least I wasn't the only one affected. So after he had water and got over it, we sat outside and talked whilst regaining health.

I've seen other people faint before, but never understood what it was like. The feeling of loosing control. Your mind goes into autopilot and your just pleading your body - hold on please hold on. Wen you start to fall there's a certain release. Succumbing against your will, but not being able to fight any longer. I think I just remember feeling scared most of all. Terrified that your going to hurt yourself or be an embarrassment. I don't WANT to faint. I didn't want to make a fuss at all. Bt sometimes these things just happen.

Right. A lesson to all. Water is important. Drink it during hot weather to avoid keeling over at bad moments.

16th July 2013

I'm kind of worried, about my self. And it's okay to be worried about yourself, and be aware of your own mind and feelings. At least then you can try to sort yourself out...in theory. However I am struggling.

Arguably I should be over the whole Jack episode. And I sorta think I am. At the very least I am happy, can look objectively at the past, and I don't feel sad, or that it was a mistake or that I would want to get back to that place. The past is definitely the past for a reason.

But I haven't felt as ok about myself as I'd like to. I am genuinely just turned off love. I got off with somebody whilst out and kinda hated it because it was all different and felt wierd. I rejected a perfectly nice, perfectly fit, available, cool boys impending lips. It was instantaneous, and something in me just told me no. I tried texting some nicey nice too nice boy but just got annoyed with the whole prospect. I woke up and fixed my phone, and two messages came up from two separate boys: one "hey you" from an old theatre buddy, and one "hey are you still up" from aforementioned annoying too nice boy. I have not replied to either, which seems kinda plain rude.

And it's stupid, because I should be fine by now. I am pretty sure that Jacks fine. Heck I bet he's already got another girl...after all he was texting me a few weeks after he broke up with his ex. 

When you break your arm you have this hard wall to protect yourself while it heals, but then once your fixed the cast comes off and your meant to be fine. But sometimes your arm just doesn't feel right and doesn't work just like it used to. This is how I feel. 

Honestly I'm scared. There I'll admit it. I'm scared of trying, I'm scared of getting hurt, I'm scared because everything went so right and was almost perfect until it went so wrong.

I'm scared of love as a whole, I mistrust it entirely. And even harmless flirtation or a bit of casual fun I run a mile, because I have this deep fear of everything falling apart and I'm barely keeping it together as it is.

On the way back

Right. I'm taking a stand against myself.

College finished, and I spent most of last week just lounging around and stuff, but I am NOT doing it anymore. I was st moping around feeling uninspired...anyways I am currently riding the red wave so that explains the mood swings, the excessive over eating, and the bursting out into tears listening to Tom Odell.

But th only way is up from here! (Which is always good)

10 days till Lourdes, 17 days till Croatia...excittiinnggg! Though I am not prepared n the slightest, oops!

I will start tomorrow....maybe.

Cba

Hey

I want to ride my bicycle I want to ride my bike

I am absolutely loving this new love I have for cycling!

Back when I was just a young nipper in Year 9 (aged about 13) I used to ride my bike to school, and get quite bullied because of this. Mostly due to the combination of being the only girl who rode, and wearing a massive pink shiny round mushroom like helmet. Not cool.

Now I have rediscovered it, all the bad memories have gone, and all that remains is the feeling when I ride; aside from "ow my legs hurt oh god can't breathe oh no uphill I'm knackered" I just feel free!

I am using my mums bike, which is a roadster meaning it doesn't cope well with grass, stoney country paths, or even kerbs! The seat is extra hard aswell, meaning my bum is a tad sore. I have also found a black,normal ish if slightly abot 90's helmet, until I can get a better one.

I'm just trying to build up stamina. Riding longer everyday, up bigger hills. Also I am finally attempting to ride on actual main roads, with traffic lights and everything (gasp) very safely of course! If I start learning to drive after my birthday, hopefully I'll start to understand giving way and junctions better.

I like t ride my bicycle I like to ride my bike...

I'll come back soon I promise

I don't even know why I'm so bad recently

Bad blogger bad blogger Bethy

Come on Eileen

Drunky Beth blogs yay ahahahah

URGH. I was fine at the party but I've got home and am suddenly abit .....fked.

Weh but had fun with trampoline times (me rubber burned knee teehee sounds rude ahah it's not) actually had a deepie with someone called Luke underneath the stars about like past loves ad stuff and it was nice coz it Was friendly bit he had abs and it was he really good and stuff ahahahah now we texting about stuff YAY FRIENDS

I fee I only drank to prevent s e random other boy from drinking like NO URLVEHQD ENOUGH VODKA PLEASE STOP LOL SEE ILL DRINK IT FOR YOU oooooops

Had a lovely party and Bcky like nearly died she she read the poem I wrote inside her writing book ahahah aw so cute actually had suck a good time and stuff YEYEYEYEY 

Weh

Phenom.

The sun is still out, along with my friends.

This dy has consisted of many great things. 

Slushes and floral gums lying on the grass in the park, pizza and ice cream from the cafe, many many many a basket-swing (or ponyad if your posh), and a cinema outing to watch Despicable Me 2 (omg brilliant) plus walking to and fro, chips, getting harassed by 12 year olds/WIERD chavy guys.

But all in all, it has been one of those days like a summer montage that you think only exists in cheesy American teen movies. But this is life. I hope this fun lasts for a long time...

Streetlight people

Two parties in two nights. My aren't I the popular gal.

Actually was just a proper lovely gathering. The friendship group is a nice mix of boys and girls, and I am friends with most of them...and after tonight possibly all.

I just think it restored my faith in boys again. Nice friendly lads DO exist, you just have to look in e right place. The whole atmosphere of friends was so healthy, compared to the previous night which was just lots of drunkeness, whereas tonight was more chilled out.

It's strange, because I feel vermin between. At the wild party though I drank and had fun, I didn't get off with anybody (even though there was plenty opportunity) because I just don't see the point of rubbish experiences for the sake of it. I am on the calmer side of that kind of gathering, but still enjoying funnels.

Maybe I am a little tipsy now actually. Probably just thinky tipsy. That happens a lot. 

Last night

This is one of those "morning after" blog posts.

Had quite a nice evening all in all.

Aw it was cute - such a summery party! Also I think I managed to contain my er dignity so all is good.

And is there a greater feeling than rejecting someone's impending face with a brisk tap of the chest, a "no you're alright" and a hasty exit? No there is not.

Lancaster Writing Awards (+ tea)

Cutting to the chase: I got second in a poetry competition! Had a nice day at Lancaster sixth form conference, as my first time visiting I found the staff to be enthusiastic, and the uni to be really nice. Extremely modern, with lovely grounds and everything but honestly it put me off applying because I just don't think a campus uni lifestyle is for me. I think I'd like a city more. I need buzz I need freedom!

Went into the city centre afterwards with my mum, found a cute little cafe, selling amazing tea. We then went to buy some of their tea, which they said "oh we have a help round the corner" and suddenly we were in a tea emporium and I was buying a bag of my favourite "Bouquet Royale". Now all I need is a teapot...

Very photo heavy today!

All in all I had a lovely day with my mum (and this picture isn't even fake honest) and it was brilliant to have my poetry recognised by writers! I am looking forward to buying books books and more books with my prize money! Also...my poem is on their website so I'm *technically* a published author, just saying. Historic day.

 

Slothin

I think the moment when your watching videos of baby sloths having haircuts, is the time you need to go to bed.

Wednesday 3rd July

Gee that's a lot of books to read

Waaa me tired

Book ideas

I have written the beginning of a story and I don't know if its any good and I don't the whole story yet or how it would work, but I think it has potential and I really want to persue it.

This is a reminder to go back to it and not give up.

Also tHat sometimes you can skip your last lesson and the sun can come out and you can have a coffee with your friends and they can put a fountain in the park and everything just seems better.