How about a kiss, Samusench?

Dead day. Eaten too much chocolate, wrote a poem about roses (the flower not the food, though from the previous point it wouldn't be a shock) and read a little more of the book thief which is of course brilliant. So inventive!

I read it so long ago I can't remember the end, and this makes me nervous indeed.

Tispy

Ii have had a fabbbyyyyy night.

Went to an Indian, and had a nice time with my dancing wpdriends, then went ou clubbing and has suuuuch a good time. Girls night out, went to all the old people bars I.. O ver 21 

and I got in. SCORE.

danced my heart away. Loved it. Woooooop.

Passion Fruit

Wigan is seeming very dull in comparison. However I escaped last lesson to go to Manchester with my friend for some nice shopping. Just bought a black polo neck crop top to go out in tomorrow, and some Barry M gelly nailpolish in Passion Fruit (yay orangey reddy corally nails yay)

I don't even think I can fully function today after yesterday's excitement. Infect I've just missed the Arctic Monkeys at Glastonbury because I fell asleep whilst reading. Darn.

Bopping to Oxford

It was so beautiful. Just every street seemed paved with academic brilliance, tradition and history. Was it the two professors walking down the street in capes with streamers and glitter littering their shoulders? Or perhaps the vandalism of poetry written on the toilet door. The casual flick of the hand with a "the guy that invented the Internet - this is his room. We don't use it anymore. Bad wifi (ironically)".

Despite a lovely day out full of early train rides and LOTS of asking through the picturesque city, I actually learned a lot. The English faculty were inspiring, and it is most definitely the course for me. Just the sheer amount of detail into two lines of a poem during one 20 minute session was massive, plus so interesting. Basically listening to celebrity gossip from the 1800's! Most helpful was probably the general English at oxford talk. I thought tutorials sounded scary, but actually it cleadly is a superior teaching method. You come to oxford for that specialised way of producing genius'.

The admissions talk was also very informative. Lots of notes were taken! I know I have to do massive amounts of reading over summer, but thebility to choose means I can find things that interest me personally! Plus the sheer motivation to get into the place is driving me.

After all the nice English things, and a bit of lunch hidden on some unassuming steps, we proceeded to look round colleges. We only got to around 4/5 in the end before going home.

Thoughts

*omg look at these nice buildings omg gargoyle

*is that a tapestry? THAT'S A FULL ON TAPESTRY

*omg they filmed Harry potter here COOL

*ew these rooms are a little dingy

*nice lawn. What no walking on it? Come on!?!?

*urgh.steps more steps stone steps wooden steps 

There are some very quirky things I have seen including: Percy, the Univ college tortoise; people playing croquet; boars heads on walls. Honestly it doesn't seem all that crazy. The language they use however just seems...a lot to learn. Everything is shortened or initialed or has an oxford er on the end. However I'm sure I will be having a bop with the other JCR's after hall during Michaelmas...see it's like a foreign language!

Despite its strange ways and small draw backs, ultimately it is the best college in the country. And I am definitely going to try for it. I think I'd regret it not too! So I have to hope my results live up to expectation, plus a lot of extra work this summer and next year, and hopefully I can apply! I don't really expect to be successful, but the whole experience is wonderful anyway. Just to even have the possibility to to be part of that thriving city is enough to try.

Oxford

Guess where I am going tomorrow...

Deleted

I typed out a massive post about being scared about uni and the future, but it got deleted. I feel this is a sign I should just delete all my efforts in life. We're all inconsequential anyway....

24th June 2013

Oh dear. 

Meh.

I will look back on this time period as "that time when I went to bed too late and felt ill a lot and didnt put much effort into life" and that's a really sad thing.

SHOWS OVER YEY

Dead.

Too. Many. Quick. Changes.

Public humiliation

I feel d that the dancing show went terribly, and I can't quite examine it because I may cry again.

Tomorrow will be better.

I am a poet.

We had a session in college with a poet, who says the first step to becoming serious, is to actually call yourself a poet.

I guess I am a poet then...

Simmer down and pucker up

*eargasm*

Free writing flow

Sometimes

It all just gets too much

Ad you find yourself 

Lying in bed

Writing tear stained poetry 

When the world is hiding

Pebbles in your pockets

That you feel all at once.

One for inadequacy.

One for the happiness

You had then lost

One for the future

(The biggest stone of all) 

Detachment

To be detached.

Be detached from ones self.

To separate 

That changed face 

From half eaten 

Love songs

And jigsaw

pieces lying 

Inert.

To Ignore the

Familiarity of

Those eyes

With misty wars 

behind them

Those hands

With lines as deep

As rivers

Running their

course

To try

And forget

Butterflys 

Whipping through

Arteries

To remember 

Empty words

To realise

The difference 

Between past

And present

Is change

Do we start just how we end?

As strangers

Studying every feature

Looking for hints

One clue to

Who you are

Or who you became.

Sometimes it's good to just write stuff out and see what's going on inside.

Stitch

I have spent today sewing countless name labels into costumes.

Is going to be a busy week!

I need to...

Stop blogging when I'm dead in bed.

The future

I tank I've just had my first panic in a good while about that oh so scary prospect of the future.

General worries:

English could be considered a pointless degree

Doing Enlish Lieratue and Creative Writing is fine, but only some uni's offer it.

Do I even like English and education? Can I not just watch tv and drink tea (see previous entry) for the rest of my miserable dys.

We're significant in the universe anyway, so hats the point?

The places I want to go seem to require AAA. I think I've forgotten that by taking maths I have to try to get an A. Why did I pick such stupid subjects!?!

My worst fear is dropping out of uni.

M second worst feat is making the wrong decision and having to live with it.

These decisions impact on my whole life and career.

Is it right to follow my writer dreams, instead of making decisions based on money and job availability?

I may have already screwed up these exams so who knows?

I  am so panic prone. I suddenly feel the weight of all these choices pressing hard upon my shoulders, so hard that I cannot stand up and balance all the weights, so they're just keeping me down.

How to make tea (the fruity kind)

You will need:

A nice mug, preferably massive, outer unimportant (it's what's on the inside that counts)

Hot water. H2O. Boil in a kettle.

A tea bag in a nice flavour (give it a good whiff) I enjoy peppermint, and raspberry. Go to tescos!

A teaspoon, because stirring with your fingers should be treated with caution.

Sugar, optional. I find it unnecessary. Embrace the bitterness!

1) Put tea bag and hot water into mug (order due to personal choice)

2) Leave to infuse for a good ten minutes, also cools in this time.

3) Occasionally prod with your spoon when you get bored. This does nothing. Proceed anyway.

4) forget you even made tea 

5) suddenly remember. It will be strong, and cooled by this point.

6) drink. 

7) nom tea.

When people have no respect for something you love, but intrude on it anyway

Ergh

Distances

We are the distances between us.

3.78 metres

3 seats across, one seat down.

6.5 miles

10 minute train, turn right at the pub

1.05 metres

Under the table feet hover. Apprehensive.

29 centimetres

Hand on gear stick, knees cross, move closer.

14 centimetres

Awkward air and wide expanse of duvet.

2.3 centimetres

Parted lips pre pounce. Deep breath.

35 kilometres

Voice to radio wave to signal tower. Reflected.

15.6 metres

Far away eyes pretending, avert. 

I've written about 6 poems/ideas for poems today, which is the most in a long time. This is the only idea I really like, because its just a bit different. Maybe it's the maths student in me but I just love using numbers!

Also I don't think my vocabulary is good enough, there was a time when I had a mini book of words, so whenever I heard/read an interesting word, I'd write it down and find its definition. I am going to start doing that again (along with reading many many more books hopefully) now that I have time! Sweet blessed time! Such an alien concept to grasp.

Sadly I just seem to be napping all the time. College is exhausting.

Col

I'm glad to be back.

Tough I am not glad i have the constant threat of awkward encounters hanging over me like a bad smell. I have dived into toilets and ran past doors. Hate it.

But maybe if I avoid the issue forever then it'll go away right?

Right?

Blurred lines

I had such a lovely time out last night (or this morning I should say). Never had so much fun!

It was wierd coming out of a club and seeing that it was still light outside, because everything is clearer in the light, and reality can sometimes be quite scary. We went home pretty much after that - all I can say is thank god for black out blinds!

Today has been hard (my throats is not dissimilar to a rusty pipe) and all through the 4 hour dancing rehearsel I kept feeling sick ahah oooops. It is hard running on only 2/3 hours sleep! 

Out

Going out going out going outgoing out

Hope I get home okay and have fun and get in and stuff.

I loooooveeee you. Honestly. I really do.

Ly.

A foreign hand 

On my territory

Wandering

Foreign lips 

Exploring touges

Meeting

It's not the same

Up iin my lovely room

Dreaming of you

Dreaming dreaming

Dime liar place 

Of what ifs

And what could hav beens

A subtle hello, a dance

No thanks

Your the wrong one

It should have been him

It should have been me.

Lethargy

Kind of ironic that now I finally have all the time in the world to blog, I simply cannot be bothered.

I blame the heat.

BBQ's and sunshine

Today I went to a friends for a nice relaxing BBQ. We've all finished our exams now, so are taking advantage of the beautiful weather and time before we go back to college next week.

Life without the constant stess of exams is wonderful.

Hiatus over

EXAMS ARE OVER AND AS OF THIS POINT MY LIFE BEGINS AGAIN

I am excited to:

Get emotionally involved in new tv series'

Paint my nails

Read books. Lotsa 'em.

Go out with friends

Write write write WRITE 

And start blogging properly again (I will do I promise)

Physics

Last exam tomorrow.

Weh.

Yo

Lourdes 2013

At the end of July, I will be going on pilgrimage to Lourdes as a Youth Carer for the week. We've had a meetin and a mass today and I am extremely excited. Just singing some of the fun hymns and already I'm buzzing! We received our trademark uniform of yellow polo shirts (though I already own 7) and preparations are nearly complete!

I think I mostly excited to be going with such lovely people i.e. my best friend who I'm sharing a room with, and my close friend from pantomime days is also coming which will be so fun! I'm just generally looking forward to the whole experience.

Only 53 days to go...

Today

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