Pondering

Yesterday was the first time I let somebody I know read my blog. It suddenly became very real, as even though I've published my blogs, they weren't exactly out there to "real people" that I know. According to my analytical I have had some page views which is funny. If you are a mystery reader that has just stumbled upon my ramblings then hi! Its really hard to think of these numbers as specific people, as opposed to nameless faceless entities. I honestly cant comprehend anyone reading this. What must people think...

I like where I am at the moment. I currently have no followers (and if I'm being honest I don't really know how it works as I am not highly proficient with this blogging malarkey quite yet), so no "target audience" as it were. It is surreal from being conditioned throughout English coursework to constantly think about the reader; his or her needs and how to fulfil them. But what do you do when the target audience is...yourself?

Somedays this feels like a journal, some days like an extract from some sport of metaphorical coming of age book, and sometimes like a generic blog. Though I didn't enjoy my "generic" blog girl outfit post, as it seemed boring. I'm not really into writing about my clothes choices as I personally don't think I am anything original or special. And anyone reading about it should go and look at somebody a lot more stylish! I tried to do it in the style of something that somebody may like to read, and it came out weak and uninspiring!

Back to the point.

On too many social networks I feel the pressure to impress. Hey Facebook! Look how pretty I looked at this fun party I went to. Hey Twitter! Look how cool I am tweeting lyrics to good music, and having witty thoughts. Hey Instagram! Look at this cake. Be jealous of me, my perfect life and my cake.

As much as I try to be real on these things, and as much as what I post is meant to be personal, I feel as if I'm only really doing it to make other people think I am a good person. Why though? These people shouldn't matter. And when I try to show one group something, another will just dislike me for it. I honestly sometimes wonder what the point is.

This is why at the moment I like Tumblr and of course, the medium of blogging. I'm tentative to call them social networks, more like channels of creative expression to similar interesting groups. I don't feel judged on Tumblr as I can post what I like, if I fancy it. If I don't? No problem. On here even more so. It comes to the end of the day and I think about something I want to write. And it could be a massive prose piece, or it could be a brief thought/detail about my life and that's fine.

I don't want to forget my initial reason for starting this blog: to try to develop ideas and a style of writing, but mostly just because I love writing, but don't do it enough. So currently I'm just trying to stay true to my own ideas, and see where it takes me.