Feeling Emotional

It's a well known fact that my grandad got top in gardening in his school when he was young, thus he's obviously where I got my brains from.

I rang him for a general chat and a moan and jokingly proclaimed "You're fine! You don't have to do exams now, you finished your exams. You aren't dealing with the pressures of A Level Maths!"

His reply astounded me.

"No. I got top in gardening though. It's my greatest life achievement. That, and being somehow connected to you"

I hung up pretty quickly after that, as the tears were beginning to form, just as they are right now as I write this.

I couldn't help but think of Mr Bleaney by Larkin.
"That how we live measures our own nature,
And at his age having no more to show
Than one hired box should make him pretty sure
He warranted no better, I don't know."

There's something a little melancholy in the fact that at the end of our life we are able to look back, and try to judge if we mattered. See what was important. There's something happy and sad and beautiful in his sentiment, but I just feel terrible that I'm at the beginning of my life and I'm not even thankful for the amount of time I have. Time is the one thing that you can't buy, sell, or keep. You can only use it. And what you use it for is the most important thing of all.

All I can say is I hope I'm using it for some sort of good.